clearly i am doing something wrong
it's not turning out the way the manual paints it

okay i'll admit i didn't read the manual
or attempt to follow the steps
i still resent that it doesn't look like the one on the box

it never does

will it ever?

if i continue to needlessly strangle myself
my guess is that it won't
but maybe that's humility or pessimism speaking
a negative expectation to ease the prospect of a lifetime failed

trying wasn't my initial intention
the point of opening the box
was to stop myself
from opening worse boxes

the worst part
the reason i stop myself from opening those boxes

is because i'm afraid
it's because i'm afraid

afraid of what

judgement?

abiding to my own doubt has led to a lifetime of paralysis
it's crippling enough without arbitrary self-imposed restrictions
what is it with the restrictions
how do you expect to change
why do you dismiss so much
why can't you let loose
why are you afraid to be punched

what the fuck

no

i know what this is now

i can see through the lies

it's all bullshit

bullshit conjured at 1am because you're tired and worried and need sleep

stop crying because you're not purplekecleon or dinocasino or eeeeeat

shut the fuck up