Tonight, while I was organizing my favorites, I came across the earliest posts I had favorited, only to find that some of them had been deleted. Those were images I had cherished when I first discovered the Furry culture, and now they were gone without a trace—what’s worse, I couldn’t even remember what they looked like.
I had naively believed that only unpopular posts would disappear, never imagining that the ones that had moved me could vanish too. Just five or six years had passed, yet so much had already changed. I still remembered when the site was suddenly flooded with posts about a "white wolf girl with a collar" (it's loona, haha). I had favorited some of them, but my parents later deleted those files (thankfully, they were tolerant and simply said I was "into cartoon characters").
Maybe five or six years was too long for the internet—or maybe it was just too long for me. As a nihilist, I feared losing anything, even though I knew the world was inherently transient. Since middle school, I had gone through countless cycles of "obsession, disillusionment, and doubt," and now I no longer wanted to hold onto any beliefs.
I knew the antidote to nihilism was action. For too long, I had drowned my insecurities in video sites and adult content, but now even that kind of life felt unsustainable. I had to change.
Right now, I was writing a novel (embarrassingly, even after 10,000 words, only two days had passed in the story—clearly, I needed to read more to improve). After I graduated next year, I would find a job, reclaim my time, and finish a novel worth sharing. I would learn to draw and develop indie games—these dreams had been pent up for far too long.
Even a coward would fight back when cornered. I hoped that someday, I could embrace a simple sense of purpose and live steadfastly.
Another question: Why did so many posts featuring familiar characters lack character tags lately?
I used ai translation in this post
(it's 01:42 AM in China now good night.)
