I dunno why, but I have contimplated suicide. My own emotional irregularities, how were all suffering for what feels like nothing, and why I still am alive.

Part of me fears what's after death, if we get our own personal heaven or hell, or if it's just a blank space with nothing, or if we are reincarnated. My personal hell is just the empty nothing. All alone, not even a voice to help or speak to.

It honestly feels like I'm suffering for nothing. Like all of this is for no reward gained and I just return to the earth...

If I knew what was beyond death I might've already acted up on it sooner, and I keep thinking of that poem my grandma told me.

"Take your flight,
And erase your light,
To a place where you will be free,
To a place where you can see,
To a place far beyond and above,
To a place where you will be loved"

I've been down in the depths of suicidal ideation. I got help some years ago, and the annoying refrain "it gets better" turns out to have truth to it. In the meantime? Change things up and take risks. Apply for that job you think you won't get. Go to community college. Actually write that story you've been thinking about.

Anyway, this thread will likely get closed. But please keep yourself alive for a bit.

maria_kauffman said:
I dunno why, but I have contimplated suicide. My own emotional irregularities, how were all suffering for what feels like nothing, and why I still am alive.

Part of me fears what's after death, if we get our own personal heaven or hell, or if it's just a blank space with nothing, or if we are reincarnated. My personal hell is just the empty nothing. All alone, not even a voice to help or speak to.

It honestly feels like I'm suffering for nothing. Like all of this is for no reward gained and I just return to the earth...

If I knew what was beyond death I might've already acted up on it sooner, and I keep thinking of that poem my grandma told me.

"Take your flight,
And erase your light,
To a place where you will be free,
To a place where you can see,
To a place far beyond and above,
To a place where you will be loved"

After we die, we can no longer enjoy lewd furry art. That alone keeps me do whatever it takes to stay healthy and alive as long as I can. <3

Maybe it's time to view life with another lens. Life is not just suffering, but also joy. Try a different perspective on things. Ask yourself why you care about the thing you do. Is it really worth it to suffer for it? Maybe some things are truly important to you for reasons you can't explain, but you got to find purpose and meaning in something. Maybe something was taken away from you or might be so in the future. But remember that you can fight back, and if you can't, you still have other things to live for.

By the way, are you on any medications at the moment? SSRIs carry the risk of suicidal ideation. They tend to blunt emotions, but in some people, somehow joy gets blunted but sadness does not. While i was on paroxetine, it muffled all my concerns about the state of the world and its future, but it redirected all that negativity into myself. It also muffled any feelings of joy. And i was often unable to feel proud of myself and sometimes i felt like i was never good enough and there was nothing i could do about it, and also made me quite aggressive. While it is relatively common to want to harm oneself on SSRIs, in my case it was others. Either way, if you are on any meds, you should talk to your doctor.

Are you still there? Please don't kill yourself... Or others. Maybe it can be fixed, ignored, or replaced.

maria_kauffman said:
I dunno why, but I have contimplated suicide. My own emotional irregularities, how were all suffering for what feels like nothing, and why I still am alive.

Part of me fears what's after death, if we get our own personal heaven or hell, or if it's just a blank space with nothing, or if we are reincarnated. My personal hell is just the empty nothing. All alone, not even a voice to help or speak to.

It honestly feels like I'm suffering for nothing. Like all of this is for no reward gained and I just return to the earth...

If I knew what was beyond death I might've already acted up on it sooner, and I keep thinking of that poem my grandma told me.

"Take your flight,
And erase your light,
To a place where you will be free,
To a place where you can see,
To a place far beyond and above,
To a place where you will be loved"

Call 988

I’m going to lock the thread because, although the responses so far have been fine, I don’t trust it to not devolve into something bad eventually (gooners are generally a poor substitute for therapy). I would suggest talking to your doctor or some other professional about this. They can help you change your outlook on life into something more positive or constructive. Take care <3