A question that's been bouncing around in my head for some time. I'm very shy out in public. I get the feeling like maybe I might be too much of a burden. I've got a bunch of insecurities that I can't shake. And with my autism, I really struggle with socializing.

shy guys

tee hee

voltage-controlled said:
tee hee

mmph... who wouldn't be?

voltage-controlled said:
tee hee

I knew someone was going to reference that lol

Depends what kind of shy. There is a certain kind of shyness that comes off as creepy

planttentacles said:
Depends what kind of shy. There is a certain kind of shyness that comes off as creepy

Struggling to make eye contact

lonewolf36 said:
Struggling to make eye contact

You got the 'tism too? Man, I struggle with eye contact as well.

No matter, at worst no eye-contact can make you discerned or untrustworthy. But tbh, extreme eye contact can come off as down right creepy. It's better to not look than look when your not supposed to.

I know it's easier said than done, but as someone with a similar problem I've found that practice is the only thing that helps.
Picking up a hobby that requires you to interact with people IRL is a good starting point

To be honest, being insecure tends to be far more off putting for people than being shy. Shyness is more of a passive thing on this regard. Shy people are less likely to go up to people and form connections and make moves, which naturally will lower chance to form a romantic relationship. At best people find it endearing, at worst it usually just might make things awkward and cause misunderstandings, and just a "hey, I am very shy and it might take some time for me to be comfortable around new people" tends to be enough sort things out. It's the insecurities that tend to actively sabotage connections you make, and push away people who might otherwise be interested.

Luckily insecurities often are surprisingly easy to work on, because "fake it until you make it" works here really well. Every time you think about anything self deprecating regarding these insecurities, correct yourself with exact opposite. It will feel at first like you are lying to yourself and wasting time and energy on something pointless, but with time consistent corrections to the way you think will genuinely start working on reversing your insecurities.

I am saying all of this based on advice I have got from my therapist, and my personal experiences with how I dug myself out of the self loathing tar pit that ruined so many social connections to me, and I became far more confident person. I am still shy, I am still autistic, I still struggle with social interactions, and I am still far from conventionally attractive, but now I actually do find people who want to climb into my pants (unfortunately most of them are women and I am gay, but at least it's always flattering and a great confidence boost lol)

Many girls have a definite thing for sad wet rat men.

rupikonna said:
To be honest, being insecure tends to be far more off putting for people than being shy. Shyness is more of a passive thing on this regard. Shy people are less likely to go up to people and form connections and make moves, which naturally will lower chance to form a romantic relationship. At best people find it endearing, at worst it usually just might make things awkward and cause misunderstandings, and just a "hey, I am very shy and it might take some time for me to be comfortable around new people" tends to be enough sort things out. It's the insecurities that tend to actively sabotage connections you make, and push away people who might otherwise be interested.

Luckily insecurities often are surprisingly easy to work on, because "fake it until you make it" works here really well. Every time you think about anything self deprecating regarding these insecurities, correct yourself with exact opposite. It will feel at first like you are lying to yourself and wasting time and energy on something pointless, but with time consistent corrections to the way you think will genuinely start working on reversing your insecurities.

I am saying all of this based on advice I have got from my therapist, and my personal experiences with how I dug myself out of the self loathing tar pit that ruined so many social connections to me, and I became far more confident person. I am still shy, I am still autistic, I still struggle with social interactions, and I am still far from conventionally attractive, but now I actually do find people who want to climb into my pants (unfortunately most of them are women and I am gay, but at least it's always flattering and a great confidence boost lol)

After thinking it over, I guess I only have one insecurity, and that's still being a virgin in my mid 30s. I do know there's a silver lining that comes with it, yet it makes me feel like a black sheep in society.

lonewolf36 said:
After thinking it over, I guess I only have one insecurity, and that's still being a virgin in my mid 30s. I do know there's a silver lining that comes with it, yet it makes me feel like a black sheep in society.

I'm in my late 30s and have never jumped on the bed. It doesn't bother me.

We should make a furry wizard club.

voltage-controlled said:
I'm in my late 30s and have never jumped on the bed. It doesn't bother me.

Last time I jumped ON a bed, I was a child 😂😂😂

Kidding aside, I'm just curious to know what it feels like.

aobird said:
We should make a furry wizard club.

It wouldn't surprise me at all that there are a large number of them on here lol

Yes! I don't think people broke up with me because I was shy. It could be that the ones you really want value if you care about them and you want to take care for them, and vice versa.

sveeb said:
Yes! I don't think people broke up with me because I was shy. It could be that the ones you really want value if you care about them and you want to take care for them, and vice versa.

I would always quickly look away once they look in my direction. I always feel like I'm staring too much to the point where it may be creepy. That's the last thing I want to be called

lonewolf36 said:
I would always quickly look away once they look in my direction. I always feel like I'm staring too much to the point where it may be creepy. That's the last thing I want to be called

It's normal to look at people, especially if you're talking. Strike up a conversation, they may be in the same mindset as you, they might also be shy and think its weird to just look at people. You don't have much to lose, they'll just say no at worst <3

You don't seem creepy :)

They could say a lot worse than "no" my hopelessly positive degenerate fellow.

aobird said:
They could say a lot worse than "no" my hopelessly positive degenerate fellow.

Oh I know. I'm going to at least give it a shot. I think I've had my awakening already.

aobird said:
They could say a lot worse than "no" my hopelessly positive degenerate fellow.

I'm sorry I was just trying to say that the worst that can happen is that they say something, it sometimes helps to calm me down.

Like, I asked this person if they want to go out, they just said no. Or even if they told me I'm disgusting, I should be fine. I remember being called weird and creepy, and it certainly wasn't fun, but I'm still here, there isn't any world ending risk. Life went on. The person telling you bad things about yourself often wants that to change not just to hurt you. You get many more chances to learn what is okay and what is not okay.

If you're worried about being creepy, that's NOT bad. It could mean that you don't want to hurt other people and that's good. You just have to manage it.

aobird said:
They could say a lot worse than "no" my hopelessly positive degenerate fellow.

What, are they gonna hit you with Power Word; Death?

People are always saying things. If they can't reject someone without being mean, never mind tactful, they're pretty sorry excuses for people.

colacolabug said:
What, are they gonna hit you with Power Word; Death?

People are always saying things. If they can't reject someone without being mean, never mind tactful, they're pretty sorry excuses for people.

Not the kind of people I'd want to be around, anyway

colacolabug said:
What, are they gonna hit you with Power Word; Death?

People are always saying things. If they can't reject someone without being mean, never mind tactful, they're pretty sorry excuses for people.

yeahh +1

people in general only care if your attractive yk

tr0n_c4t said:
people in general only care if your attractive yk

People only drink water because it hydrates them

nin10dope said:
People only drink water because it hydrates them

ignorance is bliss

ruppari said:
To be honest, being insecure tends to be far more off putting for people than being shy.

In my experience, women tend to be attracted to confidence....which many shy guys (like myself) don't really project. This explains why women constantly go back to the abusive type....they're quite "confident".

It's weird because just a few hours I had an epiphany. I'm actually happy being single, because most guys that I know that are in a relationship or married are clearly miserable. I don't want to deal with that. If the right person comes along, then great.

I feel like a big burden was lifted off of me.

indigohowl said:
In my experience, women tend to be attracted to confidence....which many shy guys (like myself) don't really project. This explains why women constantly go back to the abusive type....they're quite "confident".

Make sure you aren't confusing confident with charismatic

I basically only talk to other shy (and often also autistic) people. Just be you, if anxious and wanting to connect, find some stimmy thing to do like knitting when in public as it can give an in the moment thing to talk about ^^ its what i do.

indigohowl said:
In my experience, women tend to be attracted to confidence....which many shy guys (like myself) don't really project. This explains why women constantly go back to the abusive type....they're quite "confident".

lonelylucario said:
It's weird because just a few hours I had an epiphany. I'm actually happy being single, because most guys that I know that are in a relationship or married are clearly miserable. I don't want to deal with that. If the right person comes along, then great.

I feel like a big burden was lifted off of me.

Y'all should stop while you're behind.

regsmutt said:
Y'all should stop while you're behind.

? But this subject has so much potential to be normal, productive and civil.

indigohowl said:
In my experience, women tend to be attracted to confidence....which many shy guys (like myself) don't really project. This explains why women constantly go back to the abusive type....they're quite "confident".

Wooow... I never really noticed this... Why do you think women are attracted to these kinds of aggressive, confident men though? Poor shy guys tho fr, they're so nice but never given a chance.

oneohthrix said:
? But this subject has so much potential to be normal, productive and civil.

Wooow... I never really noticed this... Why do you think women are attracted to these kinds of aggressive, confident men though? Poor shy guys tho fr, they're so nice but never given a chance.

"Why don't nice guys ever get the girl?"^tm

oneohthrix said:
Wooow... I never really noticed this... Why do you think women are attracted to these kinds of aggressive, confident men though? Poor shy guys tho fr, they're so nice but never given a chance.

I genuinely cannot tell if this is supposed to be ironic or not.

dba_afish said:
I genuinely cannot tell if this is supposed to be ironic or not.

I wanna believe it is

nin10dope said:
Make sure you aren't confusing confident with charismatic

It's entirely possible that it's both. But that doesn't make abusive not abusive.

lonelylucario said:
A question that's been bouncing around in my head for some time. I'm very shy out in public. I get the feeling like maybe I might be too much of a burden. I've got a bunch of insecurities that I can't shake. And with my autism, I really struggle with socializing.

The sad truth is no, "shyness", especially as it relates to autism isn't something women (or most) find attractive/appealing to be around. It sucks, you can't really help it, but that's how it is. Generally speaking, no one's looking to coddle or take care of you.

oneohthrix said:
? But this subject has so much potential to be normal, productive and civil.

Wooow... I never really noticed this... Why do you think women are attracted to these kinds of aggressive, confident men though? Poor shy guys tho fr, they're so nice but never given a chance.

This "girls only like BAD BOYS!" cope needs to stop. They don't like "bad boys" because they're aggressive/abusive, they like them because they're funny, not allergic to social settings/interactions, regularly communicate and hang out, usually like the same sorts of things/can engage with topics even if they're not all that interested, and yes, are confident. Confidence doesn't mean "act like an asshole" it means you're not stuttering and fumbling your words when you speak, stand up straight and walk with purpose, and all around don't look or act like an abused dog dreading a random smack. Now if you're in your 30s+ and lack these things... you're kinda screwed. It's not impossible to learn/work on those skills, but all the settings where cultivating those sorts of things were key have long since passed. But still, doesn't hurt to try. Start with coworkers (socializing, not flirting) and if that takes off after a while, go where the flow takes you.

thatbiackguy said:
The sad truth is no, "shyness", especially as it relates to autism isn't something women (or most) find attractive/appealing to be around. It sucks, you can't really help it, but that's how it is. Generally speaking, no one's looking to coddle or take care of you.

Now if you're in your 30s+ and lack these things... you're kinda screwed. It's not impossible to learn/work on those skills, but all the settings where cultivating those sorts of things were key have long since passed. But still, doesn't hurt to try. Start with coworkers (socializing, not flirting) and if that takes off after a while, go where the flow takes you.

I pretty much have to 100% agree with you. I'm 50+ with all those things plus the bonus of having always (since I was around ten) been the outcast....yeah, life sucks; I've accepted it.

If you're still 18+...take the advice and run with it. You'll be better for it.

me when i'm that guy from mario

Striking up a conversation regarding a common interest or belief is one step toward building any relationship. Sometimes, offering assistance in anything in general can also build a relationship and trust, but just don’t be persistent if your offer is declined. My biggest problem personally, however, is my fear of causing awkwardness. Feeling socially awkward is not a good feeling.

rokuenluuka said:
Striking up a conversation regarding a common interest or belief is one step toward building any relationship. Sometimes, offering assistance in anything in general can also build a relationship and trust, but just don’t be persistent if your offer is declined. My biggest problem personally, however, is my fear of causing awkwardness. Feeling socially awkward is not a good feeling.

That's called Low Self Esteem babyyyyy
https://youtu.be/EtNZnhxWLHo?si=1J6xzASBes5ZaEud

You can always develop your body to look better and just all around improve your health and energy at the same time. Women who like men are much more forgiving and will overlook things like being shy if she finds you physically attractive.

Here are some great strategies to get you that hot ass girl:

- Dark Psychology / Manipulation
- Optimization strategies (bodymaxxing, moneymaxxing, thugmaxxing)
- Mogging Methods
- Inverse jelqing
- Rizz Theory
- Crypto-Stockholm syndrome strategy

I've never had a girlfriend myself but any one of these are certain to work.

oneohthrix said:
Here are some great strategies to get you that hot ass girl:

- Dark Psychology / Manipulation
- Optimization strategies (bodymaxxing, moneymaxxing, thugmaxxing)
- Mogging Methods
- Inverse jelqing
- Rizz Theory
- Crypto-Stockholm syndrome strategy

I've never had a girlfriend myself but any one of these are certain to work.

I'm probably too old to understand what any of those are

lonelylucario said:
I'm probably too old to understand what any of those are

Then you probably shouldn't worry about attracting anyone younger than you, because those terms are older than a year or more by now.

Learning to love yourself before looking for love from another is key.
Another peep isn't the answer to happiness, those kinds of journeys are
single player missions that 'Unlock' Co-op. Beating the game takes a
keen understanding of yourself. Taking steps to fight insecurities and
Social Awkwardness through talks with a professional, Dood!

Therapist are amazing at giving you the tools to fight your own battles.
If you have a sec, I'd look into free therapy services in your area.
Trust me, Their out there and they are rad, Dood!
◠‿╹)~★

Surprised nobody's mentioned hygiene - this should be step 1 in my opinion. Doesn't matter how confident you are if you smell bad.

Shower daily, wash your hair and face, apply deodorant right after showering. Brush and floss teeth and wear clean clothes that don't smell or look dirty. Underwear should be changed daily. If your clothes are retaining any kind of smell after being washed, try adding about 1/2 cup of white vinegar to the fabric softener slot in your washing machine so that it gets added to the rinse cycle. It's a powerful deodorizer and don't worry, they won't smell like vinegar afterwards.

Once you smell and look clean and well groomed, it's easier to feel confident in yourself and work on social skills. Nobody wants to be around someone who stinks.

wandering_spaniel said:
Surprised nobody's mentioned hygiene - this should be step 1 in my opinion. Doesn't matter how confident you are if you smell bad.

Shower daily, wash your hair and face, apply deodorant right after showering. Brush and floss teeth and wear clean clothes that don't smell or look dirty. Underwear should be changed daily. If your clothes are retaining any kind of smell after being washed, try adding about 1/2 cup of white vinegar to the fabric softener slot in your washing machine so that it gets added to the rinse cycle. It's a powerful deodorizer and don't worry, they won't smell like vinegar afterwards.

Once you smell and look clean and well groomed, it's easier to feel confident in yourself and work on social skills. Nobody wants to be around someone who stinks.

Oh I'm sure. I've heard a woman's sense of smell is more sensitive than a man's. I realize I look like a slob and smell like a loser. My sex drive has been severely out of control, and that will take a while to wash off. It's an odor I've named "eau d'fappeur".

Plus it's taking me too long to get out of the winter blues.

lonelylucario said:
Oh I'm sure. I've heard a woman's sense of smell is more sensitive than a man's.

This I can confirm. Two girlfriends I went through had more sensitive noses than I do despite my hypersensitivity to cigarette smoke.

Yes!

sissy_princess said:
Yes!

All this time, I'd been waiting for someone to approach me, but I guess I need to grow some balls and try

lonelylucario said:
Oh I'm sure. I've heard a woman's sense of smell is more sensitive than a man's. I realize I look like a slob and smell like a loser. My sex drive has been severely out of control, and that will take a while to wash off. It's an odor I've named "eau d'fappeur".

Plus it's taking me too long to get out of the winter blues.

Uh... are you washing your genitals, thoroughly with soap and scrubbing, every day?? Cum shouldn't take a while to wash off. It should take 1 wash to wash off.

You should also wash your hands, again with soap, afterwards every time you touch your genitals.

Man what is this thread becoming

wandering_spaniel said:
Uh... are you washing your genitals, thoroughly with soap and scrubbing, every day?? Cum shouldn't take a while to wash off. It should take 1 wash to wash off.

You should also wash your hands, again with soap, afterwards every time you touch your genitals.

I'm not talking about washing cum off. I meant the lingering stench that it causes

nin10dope said:
Man what is this thread becoming

We're on a porn site. I guess it was bound to happen

lonelylucario said:
We're on a porn site. I guess it was bound to happen

Legally speaking, e621 is not a porn site.
This thread would be pretty weird if it was, though.

cinder said:
Legally speaking, e621 is not a porn site.
This thread would be pretty weird if it was, though.

That feels like a legitimately necessary disclaimer since the UK bill and/or the Arizona bill lmao

By the authority granted to me, I command you to cleanse yourself, your clothing, and to go outside. Woman, no. Beyond that, people like people with good hygiene practices more than anything else. And going outside gets you out of that cabin fever funk. And with that, I close this forum for being gross.