I dunno what to do or say or think. I have to make up excuses to get up and not just lie in my bed. I really feel unloved by anyone. TBH, no one would care a fig if I vanished suddenly... That scares me... More than my nightmares...

If you have friends, it's time to talk to them
If you don't have one why don't you join the e621 discord? There is also the blips section so try to talk to people there too
If it's really serious and you are thinking of doing something that can't be undone it's easy to me to say but don't, there must be a free suicide hotline in your country.

You "could" talk to someone from your family you like but 95% these cases the family sucks but dunno, maybe there is a cousin, uncle or bro/sis who moved out that you could talk?

Tl:dr try to make new friends in communities on discord, reddit etc...

There is a lot of subjects that you must like that others want to talk, if you think you like stuff that aren't interesting...well try to watch/play new stuff and join these communities as a newbie and ask for recommendations, maybe horror movies, fantasy books, some indie game...

That's wasn't actually a tl;dr but I am on bed almost sleeping, hope that help a bit.

maria_kauffman said:
TBH, no one would care a fig if I vanished suddenly...

How's that scary?

maria_kauffman said:
I dunno what to do or say or think. I have to make up excuses to get up and not just lie in my bed. I really feel unloved by anyone. TBH, no one would care a fig if I vanished suddenly... That scares me... More than my nightmares...

Sounds like a pretty textbook case of clinical depression, you should push yourself to go see a therapist. It's much better than doing nothing and it can definitely help. I know it's cliche to say but it does get better over time.

I do, they throw me pills saying it'll fix me. I just live in constant fear. I'm just... I dunno.

I do, they throw me pills saying it'll fix me. I just live in constant fear. I'm just... I dunno.

notknow said:
If you have friends, it's time to talk to them
If you don't have one why don't you join the e621 discord? There is also the blips section so try to talk to people there too
If it's really serious and you are thinking of doing something that can't be undone it's easy to me to say but don't, there must be a free suicide hotline in your country.

You "could" talk to someone from your family you like but 95% these cases the family sucks but dunno, maybe there is a cousin, uncle or bro/sis who moved out that you could talk?

Tl:dr try to make new friends in communities on discord, reddit etc...

There is a lot of subjects that you must like that others want to talk, if you think you like stuff that aren't interesting...well try to watch/play new stuff and join these communities as a newbie and ask for recommendations, maybe horror movies, fantasy books, some indie game...

That's wasn't actually a tl;dr but I am on bed almost sleeping, hope that help a bit.

I'm banned from the discord. I won't ask to be unbanned. It's like telling a wasp to not sting you

I can say that in my experience finding someone to talk with in a 1-on-1 conversation about this kinda stuff is one of the most important things you can do for your mental health. whether that conversation happens in a therapist's office, on the phone, on Discord, or whatever else. just trying to parse the stuff in your head so it can be understood by a third party can help you understand it yourself.

darryus said:
I can say that in my experience finding someone to talk with in a 1-on-1 conversation about this kinda stuff is one of the most important things you can do for your mental health. whether that conversation happens in a therapist's office, on the phone, on Discord, or whatever else. just trying to parse the stuff in your head so it can be understood by a third party can help you understand it yourself.

Thanks. I'm gonna call someone who I haven't called in a long while. My grandma.

Listen, I do understand that your situation may be difficult.
However, this really isn't the place for this, sorry.