Plus, you're a cat in power armour.

Now, if I could tag-team with another midget wrestler...

It was just a neighbor burning

Trying to hatch babies instead of eating them is disturbingly complicated.

they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the raving confessions of a mass murdering cannibal from a recipe to bake a pie.

My ... dwarves just elected a vampire into the mayor's office. Several weeks after she was found out and convicted for two murders.

I don't know anymore. :-[

wow, it's almost as if Dwarfs are little psychopaths. :o

...You're arguing with the GM?

Why don't you argue with Jesus about how much Peter liked clams?

Because each player's delicious tears are fuel for the continued torture that is the Warrens of Oric the Awesome.

Ritualised murder is also best reserved for the second date.

I had an English teacher ask the class what they would do to save Romeo and Juliet and I said to hire Romeo a prostitute. Apparently backing that kind of assertion up with logical evidence makes things worse too.

Dear Urist McWrestler,

Why were you french kissing mutant poisonous boa constrictors. NEVER FRENCH KISS MUTANT POISONOUS BOA CONSTRICTORS! Really, that is underlined twice on the first page of the dwarven military manual...

Dear Werebeast's wife,
I didn't realize you were in the squad that was sent retrieve your husband's corpse. I apologize for your emotional shock. I will say he died in one of the most dignified ways a dwarf can die: repeatedly impaled by multiple iron spikes, screaming in agony as his legs are shattered multiply times, eventually taking seperate spikes to the heart and lungs before choking to death on his own blood, alone and seperated from his loved ones.

Sincerely
Overseer

I...I don't see how this counts as SCIENCE. Where does the improbable magma murder fit in?

This entire fucking thread

I don't know how it works. It does.

If adamantine is perfectly rigid, as shown by having 0 strain at fracture in the raw files, then the speed of sound in the metal approaches the speed of light. Adamantine musical instruments would produce ultrasonic vibrations, and cut off the fingers of the musician.

No! No! I will not massacre my children. Instead, I'll make them corpulent on crappy mass-produced quarry bush biscuits and questionably grown mushroom alcohol, and then send them into the military when they turn 12...

It's like regular childcare, except with more dogs, and less care.

Everything I say is sigged. There's no reason to ask if it's ok anymore!

Mind if I sig this?

What do you get when a Rhesus monkey steps on a weapons trap loaded with maximum adamantine blades?

Rhesus Pieces!

The science of burning innocent children could be perfected into clockwork.

"Frankly, if you're hanging out with people who tell you to use v.begin() instead of &v[0], you need to rethink your social circle."
Scott Meyers, Effective STL

Urist McLeader stopped eating Kitten Tripe : Creating God

Ho Ho Ho! I'm going to be sticking economic stone so far up your stockings, you'll be coughing up gemstone windows!

You see, when the devil comes on to your forums and begins dropping F bombs and shouts 'GIVE ALL YOUR WOMEN!', he's in a happy mood.

Im beginning to wonder if the goblins arent trying to do the children a favor.

All this plan needs is some forgotten beast syndrome that turns the children into zombie super soldiers.

You're right.

Numbness Syndrome + Skin Necrosis Syndrome could mean that the "Baptism by fire" would not be necessary, as well as making the SuperDwarfs immune to pain.   

But my good sir, the second death was for Dwarven Science!

if you assign a bed or table to the child they will hang out around it every once in a while. You could just monitor it and then lock the door once he's inside.

True, but entirely less brutal than the style demands.  I'm also in favor of the magma bath, but I'm not sure how to set that up without killing everything in the process.  Some amount of fluid logic may be required.

who finds another forum where the users plan how to produce magma mist to burn one tormented child wins a cookie!

I heard they do it all the time on the Disney forums.

Booze does not explode.  It boils.  And as one person said, about the burning of goblins: "It will not burn them.  It will lightly simmer them in a refreshing mist that leaves them pleasantly smelling of wine."

Now I want my Sociopathic, Skinless, Deformed, Aggressive and Nigh Unbeatable Super Soldiers to smell faintly of Strawberry Wine. Is that too much to ask?

Dwarf Fortress: The only game where placing children with wolves is a feat of ‼SCIENCE‼.

Cats, unless modded, have the issue that they will adopt an owner. This means their eventual death will cause issues for other members of the fort who suddenly lose a pet that they gained 10 years ago but were never aware of.

"Urist, you alright?"
"I... I don't know..."

Dwarf Fortress.
The only game where throwing babies into a pit with crazed dogs will be considered a beneficial concept.

girlinhat have I ever mentioned how awesome you are.

You've not said it lately, but at this point I just assume that everyone is thinking it all the time.

I tend to imagine people talking about me (or rather, things I've done) at odd times.  Walk into the house and greet their wife, chat a little, and remember reading about my newest idea to burn children into war machines, "Oh ha, have I told you about..." and he stops.  He hesitates for a half second, remember that his wife is no dwarf.  That she has spent the day in middle-management accounting.  She enjoyed tuna salad for lunch and she came home promptly after work.  He recalls all this quickly, and continues his sentence without much pause, "about... that new cat video?"  And her eyes light up, and his heart grows a little darker.

Nah, thick stone walls. Isolation is key here. The darkness of the cave and the overwhelmingly small world that is one small cage dangling from the ceiling. All the child knows, the whole world, a few stone walls, angry puppies, and an abysmal chain that stretches up into the beyond.

And some fortifications through which a waterfall sprays mist to keep him sane.

And some pretty engravings of Mandrills in fetal positions.

Or dwarves burning. A chronicle of those who came before, all staring at the child as if to say "you don't have what it takes" causing the child to both grow paranoid that they're actually alive and want to prove that he has what it takes.

On one hand this is right up there with mermaid farm for the most horrible thing I've ever heard, on the other hand this beats the hell out of just murdering the children for being useless liabilities like I've been doing so far.

A water channel is VERY bad. Dodge related drowning would hurt training time. Hence the well, or booze.

Dwarves can drink water through a grate. This is also a nice mental image. 

you should check the passive stats of the dwarves (those that do not change: fast to heal, etc.) and record them. There will be a high death rate among the kids, but those that survive will be amazing.

"Mummy, can I leave the dog room now?"

" Fuck off! "

"Mummy, no!"

...you get the point.