General: cucumber

A cucumber is one of the most unremarkable vegetables you will ever see in your life, or to put it another way, has about as much impact on the human brain as a single dust partical on a dirty, dirty rug, which is why you should always vacuum your house.

Oh, what then? You don't own a house? Dirty millenials, I tell you...

Stop me if you've heard this before: it's a long green cylinder that grows in countries nobody cares about and tastes worse than your boyfriend's spunk. It has next to no nutritional value (except for Vitamin K, astoundingly), is 95% water, and whose greatest contribution to gastronomy is through the invention of the pickle.

Don't get me wrong, a pickle isn't exactly something you'd pick as the main dish in a four-course dinner. But given the almost laughable taste performance of its ancestor, it's like traveling across the Atlantic for three years before finally arriving in the Americas.

The generic qualities of the cucumber gives it almost no recognition whatsoever, except for the exceptionally strange coincidence that young ladies and your stepmom can use it as an impromptu sex toy, the same as your dad can fuck squash all night long. Anyway, that's why we aren't speaking anymore.

This tag implies the following tags: vegetable

Recent Posts

2017 <3 anthro assisted_bathing bathing cub cucumber donatello_(tmnt) duo food inkyfrog kneeling leonardo_(tmnt) low_res male mud_mask partially_colored reptile scalie shell simple_background sitting smile sparkle teenage_mutant_ninja_turtles towel turtle vegetable white_background young

Rating: Safe
Score: 1
Date: September 09, 2017 ↑1 ♥1 C0 S P 2017 3_toes 3ds 4_toes 5_fingers anthro barefoot bear beverage big_head black_fur black_nose blue_eyes bottle brown_fur brown_hair canine casual_nudity cat chibi child clothed clothing convenient_censorship crossed_arms cub cucumber darkmagic dog doorway dragon dress_shirt eastern_dragon eye_patch eyes_closed eyewear feline food fully_clothed fur furgonomics game_console gaming green_skin grey_fur grey_hair group hair happy hi_res hiroyuki_(morenatsu) holding_food holding_object juuichi_mikazuki kouya_(morenatsu) kyouji_(morenatsu) lion lying male mammal morenatsu musical_note night nintendo nude on_back on_front open_mouth open_smile orange_fur pecs pickle pizza playing_videogame purple_fur raised_tail red_eyes red_hair scared shin_(morenatsu) shirt short_hair short_tail shorts shun_(morenatsu) sitting sky sleeping smile soutarou_(morenatsu) star starry_sky stripes tail_clothing tail_tuft tan_fur tank_top tatsuki_(morenatsu) tiger toes torahiko_(morenatsu) tuft vegetable video_games waistcoat wingless_dragon wolf wristband yellow_fur young zucchini

Rating: Safe
Score: 5
User: LoupMoune
Date: August 30, 2017 ↑5 ♥25 C2 S cucumber cutie_mark day detailed_background equine feathered_wings feathers female feral food friendship_is_magic hair hooves horn jumping mammal my_little_pony open_mouth outside purple_eyes purple_feathers purple_hair scared shocked sky solo startled surprise ta-na twilight_sparkle_(mlp) vegetable winged_unicorn wings

Rating: Safe
Score: 15
User: Millcore
Date: June 10, 2017 ↑15 ♥16 C4 S