General: cucumber

A cucumber is one of the most unremarkable vegetables you will ever see in your life, or to put it another way, has about as much impact on the human brain as a single dust partical on a dirty, dirty rug, which is why you should always vacuum your house.

Oh, what then? You don't own a house? Dirty millenials, I tell you...

Stop me if you've heard this before: it's a long green cylinder that grows in countries nobody cares about and tastes worse than your boyfriend's spunk. It has next to no nutritional value (except for Vitamin K, astoundingly), is 95% water, and whose greatest contribution to gastronomy is through the invention of the pickle.

Don't get me wrong, a pickle isn't exactly something you'd pick as the main dish in a four-course dinner. But given the almost laughable taste performance of its ancestor, it's like traveling across the Atlantic for three years before finally arriving in the Americas.

The generic qualities of the cucumber gives it almost no recognition whatsoever, except for the exceptionally strange coincidence that young ladies and your stepmom can use it as an impromptu sex toy, the same as your dad can fuck squash all night long. Anyway, that's why we aren't speaking anymore.

This tag implies the following tags: vegetable

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