My left arm being rendered unusable most of the day every day, which would have been fine if I weren't left-handed. That's not what really hurts though. It's that I can't shake this feeling that I deserved it and that the fact that I don't know why just further shows how much I needed to be put in my place.

And the fact that this happens every time I'm injured. I've spent my whole life being blamed for things done to me and now I'm the one blaming myself.


kamimatsu said:
I've spent my whole life being blamed for things done to me and now I'm the one blaming myself.

Likewise. No one ever wanted to give me any type of support because the things that I had to deal with were entirely my fault and I had to handle them by myself. Add in to the fact that every time you need to vent about anything, I'm told to 'man the fuck up and quit being a little bitch', directed to pretentious and snobbery elitists who obviously never had to struggle, or absolutely nothing.

I do hope that your arm gets better though, it must be a pain to deal with.


kamimatsu said:
My left arm being rendered unusable most of the day every day, which would have been fine if I weren't left-handed. That's not what really hurts though. It's that I can't shake this feeling that I deserved it and that the fact that I don't know why just further shows how much I needed to be put in my place.

And the fact that this happens every time I'm injured. I've spent my whole life being blamed for things done to me and now I'm the one blaming myself.

Sorry to hear it. Try not to be superstitious about it. Accidents happens. It's not karma unless another person directly did it.


Sorrowless said:
Sorry to hear it. Try not to be superstitious about it. Accidents happens. It's not karma unless another person directly did it.

What? Doesn't karma happen in any form?


HypnoBitch said:
What? Doesn't karma happen in any form?

I suppose. But I don't believe in karma. Maybe I shouldn't have used that word. But the idea that people may do negative actions towards you at a later time because you weren't good to them, that I can get behind. Consequences.


Sorrowless said:
I suppose. But I don't believe in karma. Maybe I shouldn't have used that word. But the idea that people may do negative actions towards you at a later time because you weren't good to them, that I can get behind. Consequences.

That too. I've been directly attacked before in different schools and I'm starting to subconsciously defend whoever does it, even though I would never think it's deserved if it happened to them.

EDIT: At this point, it's nothing I can do anything about. Previous schools were bad enough I could have spoken up, but I can't prove any of it and can't recall faces anyway. Nothing physical in my current school. I'm just conditioned to expect that I did something wrong and that it could come back to bite me at any moment. It's not stopping me from going to school though. I'd never forgive myself if I gave up on that.


To me this makes no sense. You don't get attacked for no reason. Have you tried asking the perp attacking why he did it? If there are no good reason I hope you will take action against it if you remember who did it.

If I may ask, is the reason you feel you deserve your pain because you did something pretty bad in the past?


kamimatsu said:
That too. I've been directly attacked before in different schools and I'm starting to subconsciously defend whoever does it, even though I would never think it's deserved if it happened to them.

I believe there's a psychological term for that, Stockholm Syndrome or something along those lines. It's where you start to defend the people who are tormenting you.

Sorrowless said:
To me this makes no sense. You don't get attacked for no reason. Have you tried asking the perp attacking why he did it?

Some people do. I know I've been randomly attacked like that, on several occasions. I asked a guy one time why he attacked me the way he did, and his response was to take a swing at me.

I've come to learn over the years that some people just like to hurt other people, and some folks are just angry, or they "don't like your face," or they're just plain bigoted, all sorts of reasons that have nothing to do with their victim and everything to do with themselves.


Sorrowless said:
I suppose. But I don't believe in karma. Maybe I shouldn't have used that word. But the idea that people may do negative actions towards you at a later time because you weren't good to them, that I can get behind. Consequences.

The idea of karma strictly being about good things happening to good people and bad things happening to bad people is a misinterpretation. It's more about balance. If your life has thus far been terrible, things will eventually get better. The opposite will be true if your life has been shining and great, regardless of whether you deserved it.

It's not an unheard of notion in the west. You've probably heard someone say "Law of averages."


Sorrowless said:
To me this makes no sense. You don't get attacked for no reason. Have you tried asking the perp attacking why he did it? If there are no good reason I hope you will take action against it if you remember who did it.

If I may ask, is the reason you feel you deserve your pain because you did something pretty bad in the past?

I can't recognize faces well, so I could run into the same person and never realize it. Names don't help because it takes me a long time to learn names. As for why, it was different for each school. For high school it was because they assumed I was violent due to my Autism and it was a preventative demonstration of what would happen if I tried anything. In my previous college, it was because of a long record of "fights" in high school, which were just me getting my ass kicked without fighting back. At home, it's purely psychological, and the reason is nothing more than the fact that they know I won't fight back.

As for feeling guilty, it's more what I didn't do. I've accomplished nothing, every time I come close to accomplishing something, I fail spectacularly in ways that make all the work meaningless, and everyone I know in real life who is aware of my Depression is getting dragged down with me, and there's nothing I can do to stop them from being dragged down just by knowing.


It seems we are more alike. I don't have a good short term memory. I need to see a face more than once to remember it and I don't remember names unless they are repeated or I have contact with the person. More than once have my classmates in different schools poked fun at me when they learn that I don't know the name of several of them.

I'm surprised to hear about the people and environments here. Blind violence on random people is unheard of for me in the places I've lived. Same with violence on bully victims but I might not just have heard about it. I'm not too social of a person so I don't follow up on gossip. You being blamed for fights as a victim is just wrong.

You know, I have autism too. Although I have high functioning aspergers. I get the best and the worst of two worlds. We are both logical people but we are also able to have illogical thoughts and behaviours and depression is making it worse. I have also heard that those with autism are more vulnerable to depression. I urge you to seek help like getting a psychologist appointment. I suffered from major depression years back. I were unlucky with getting help after a year and it fizzled out into nothing. The friends I told I were depressed didn't take it seriously and my family didn't push me into help as I wish they would. After some more years and getting more numb did I seek help again when I realised it wouldn't go away on its own. It was then I was diagnosed with aspergers. I felt it explained a lot about me. Depression medication helped me find joy in my hobbies again. It's possible that my severe depression made me less emotional and it's something I don't want others to experience.

If you manage to overcome your depression then I believe you have a shot at dealing with your troubles. Getting help is hard but I would be proud if you're able to do it.


Sorrowless said:
It seems we are more alike. I don't have a good short term memory. I need to see a face more than once to remember it and I don't remember names unless they are repeated or I have contact with the person. More than once have my classmates in different schools poked fun at me when they learn that I don't know the name of several of them.

I'm surprised to hear about the people and environments here. Blind violence on random people is unheard of for me in the places I've lived. Same with violence on bully victims but I might not just have heard about it. I'm not too social of a person so I don't follow up on gossip. You being blamed for fights as a victim is just wrong.

You know, I have autism too. Although I have high functioning aspergers. I get the best and the worst of two worlds. We are both logical people but we are also able to have illogical thoughts and behaviours and depression is making it worse. I have also heard that those with autism are more vulnerable to depression. I urge you to seek help like getting a psychologist appointment. I suffered from major depression years back. I were unlucky with getting help after a year and it fizzled out into nothing. The friends I told I were depressed didn't take it seriously and my family didn't push me into help as I wish they would. After some more years and getting more numb did I seek help again when I realised it wouldn't go away on its own. It was then I was diagnosed with aspergers. I felt it explained a lot about me. Depression medication helped me find joy in my hobbies again. It's possible that my severe depression made me less emotional and it's something I don't want others to experience.

If you manage to overcome your depression then I believe you have a shot at dealing with your troubles. Getting help is hard but I would be proud if you're able to do it.

Have you tryed mnemonics (ya know, word or mental image association)? That always helps me.
like, one of my boss' looks Jewish and has a very squeaky voice so I found it easy to remember that his name is Kyle by thinking of Kyle from south-park.
Or when I first hear someones name i'll come up with a short rhyme or sentence in my head that helps me identify their name based on one of their traits, like lying Lucy, or sassy Sam, or built Bob, or stupid Steve. Something that makes it so that when I see someone I've only met a few times I can go "oh, I remember you, your pale Patrick", or "oh, I remember you.... you're bitching Brittney...(always bitching about something aren't you Brittney from a few houses down?!)"

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When I tried to find images of Amy Rose with huge breasts (by searching amy_rose huge_breasts -hyper, obviously), most of the results were anthrofied versions. Adding -anthrofied still returned several pages of anthrofied versions. After going through and tagging the anthrofied versions so they don't show up (I may've missed some), I'm left with one page of results that is mainly populated with recolors or don't contain huge breasts at all, and the ones that do aren't all that great.

All that effort and hardly anything to show for it.

Anthrofied: - 170/211
Not Anthrofied: - 41/211


BlueDingo said:
When I tried to find images of Amy Rose with huge breasts (by searching amy_rose huge_breasts -hyper, obviously), most of the results were anthrofied versions. Adding -anthrofied still returned several pages of anthrofied versions. After going through and tagging the anthrofied versions so they don't show up (I may've missed some), I'm left with one page of results that is mainly populated with recolors or don't contain huge breasts at all, and the ones that do aren't all that great.

All that effort and hardly anything to show for it.

Anthrofied: - 170/211
Not Anthrofied: - 41/211

Uh, I see zero difference between these "Anthrofied" and "Not Anthrofied" posts. Amy Rose is literally an anthrofied hedgehog to start with.


Looking back at my childhood knowing that my parents hated me, and that nothing I could do would ever make them love me.

Also, the desperate desire to simply be treated like a human being.


I can imagine that being some of the worst things a human can experience. I gained the opposite problem in recent years. I had a good upbringing but I don't love my family. Sorry, folks. I started being honest with myself and this is the truth of how I feel.

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Date: February 28, 2016

My dreams. Usually they are a confusing and random mess, without rhyme or reason; when they make some sense are nightmares, actually, I have so many nightmares that had fear of sleeping during my childhood. Is extremally rare for me to have a good dream, at least spontaneously (lucid dreams).
Another thing that piss me off: for some reason, when I dream of someone dying (except myself), it always becomes true in some hours to two months; this shows to be even stranger due to the fact that I don't believe in the supernatural.

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Date: March 02, 2013

Furrin_Gok said:
Uh, I see zero difference between these "Anthrofied" and "Not Anthrofied" posts. Amy Rose is literally an anthrofied hedgehog to start with.

← Anthrofied / Not anthrofied →

The anthrofied tag can apply to established characters that are significantly more anthro than normal. I'm not sure how much more, though, but all the ones I tagged as anthrofied were very noticeably so. I left ones like post #573884 alone because I didn't think they were altered enough to count (legs are thicker, but not much else is different).

BlueDingo
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When people chuck out stuff for hard rubbish pickup that's better than the stuff I own.

What is the american equivalent of an otto bin?


BlueDingo said:
When people chuck out stuff for hard rubbish pickup that's better than the stuff I own.

What is the american equivalent of an otto bin?

Recycling bins the word your look for dood but I might be mistaken lolz ╹ ‿◠;)


BlueDingo said:
When people chuck out stuff for hard rubbish pickup that's better than the stuff I own.

What is the american equivalent of an otto bin?

Looking into it, apparently Otto has different color lids? Does that mean it's used for a variety of things, such as Yard debris, recycling, and garbage?
It also looks like Otto is available in America, it's just not the standard. There's not really a group term for them here, we just say "Disposal and recycling bins" in whole.

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Furrin_Gok said:
Looking into it, apparently Otto has different color lids? Does that mean it's used for a variety of things, such as Yard debris, recycling, and garbage?

In my area, it's Yellow for recycling, red for general waste and green for plant waste. Other varieties are available.


BlueDingo said:
In my area, it's Yellow for recycling, red for general waste and green for plant waste. Other varieties are available.

Around here, Yellow is still recycling, but green is general waste and black is for plant waste.

BlueDingo
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Furrin_Gok said:
Around here, Yellow is still recycling, but green is general waste and black is for plant waste.

Are your bins the same general shape/style as ours?


BlueDingo said:
In my area, it's Yellow for recycling, red for general waste and green for plant waste. Other varieties are available.

It's the same where I live (the bins have the same shape too) but our bins are black not green. I live in Victoria.


Knowing that I have physical problems that have plagued me since I was a child but will likely never be diagnosed because doctors have always dismissed them saying they're "all in my head."


BlueDingo said:
Are your bins the same general shape/style as ours?

BlueDingo said:
Are your bins the same general shape/style as ours?

Sort of. The back looks pretty much the same, but the front has an extra bar half way down. Rather than those two little handles on the top of the lid, though, there's just that lip on the front to pull it up by.


InannaEloah said:
Knowing that I have physical problems that have plagued me since I was a child but will likely never be diagnosed because doctors have always dismissed them saying they're "all in my head."

Always doctos who doesn't take you seriously.


InannaEloah said:
Knowing that I have physical problems that have plagued me since I was a child but will likely never be diagnosed because doctors have always dismissed them saying they're "all in my head."

My friend has Fibromyalgia, but it's really hard to diagnose this apparently.

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Sorrowless said:
Always doctos who doesn't take you seriously.

Bear in mind they have to deal with hypochondriacs as well.